Prostate

 Perfect 😅 let’s crank it up so it plays like a full comedy sketch—tighter punchlines, exaggerated awkwardness, and clear stage direction.



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Comedy Sketch – “The Prostate Exam”


INT. ST. JOSEPH’S HOSPITAL – WAITING ROOM

Manolis sits jittery, muttering to himself. He keeps glancing at the door like it’s a firing squad chamber.


MANOLIS

(to himself, panicked)

I can’t believe I’m doing this. I don’t even know what a prostate is. Is it in my back? Is it in my butt? Do I even want to know? What if he goes in and screams, “Oh my God!” Then what? Do I just… die right there?


Dr. Matumoto enters, calm, clipboard in hand.


DR. MATUMOTO

Mr. Manolis? We’re ready for you.


MANOLIS

Ready? That’s a strong word, Doc. I wasn’t even ready for high school.



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INT. EXAM ROOM

Manolis sits on the exam table, clutching the gown like it’s his last line of defense.


MANOLIS

So… Doc. What exactly do you do again?


DR. MATUMOTO

I’m a urologist. Think of me as a plumber. I take care of the plumbing—kidneys, bladder, prostate.


MANOLIS

Plumber, huh? Great. My pipes are fine, Doc. Maybe you can just leave me a bill and we skip the finger?


DR. MATUMOTO

(smiling)

Afraid not. The prostate exam is through the rectum.


MANOLIS

(snarls, pointing to the back door)

Oh, of course. The back entrance. VIP access. How many fingers are on this guest list?


DR. MATUMOTO

Just one.


MANOLIS

One?! (beat) …Alright, that’s fair. Any more and I’m charging rent.



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INT. EXAM ROOM – LATER

Manolis is now bent over the table, gown open, muttering rapid-fire like an auctioneer.


MANOLIS

I can’t believe I’m here. This is it. This is my life now. Should’ve been a nun. I’d be happier as a nun.


DR. MATUMOTO

Just relax. Take a deep breath.


MANOLIS

Deep breath? Doc, you’re about to explore my cave of wonders. Breathing is the least of my problems.


Dr. Matumoto does the exam quickly, professionally.


DR. MATUMOTO

And… we’re done.


MANOLIS

(spins around, shocked)

That’s it?! Wait—did you even go in? Should I check your finger for proof?


DR. MATUMOTO

You did very well.


MANOLIS

Not gonna lie, Doc. I’ve had longer coffee breaks.



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CLOSING BEAT

DR. MATUMOTO

Good news. Your prostate feels normal. Nothing to worry about.


MANOLIS

(relieved)

Oh thank God. (beat) Just one thing though, Doc—the lube. Still feels like I’m smuggling Jell-O back there.


DR. MATUMOTO

(chuckling)

It’ll pass. Book again for next year.


MANOLIS

Next year?! Doc, I thought this was a one-night stand. You’re telling me it’s an annual subscription?


Dr. Matumoto offers a professional handshake. Manolis stares at the glove in horror, slowly extending one hesitant finger for a handshake back. Freeze frame. Laughter. Lights out.



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👉 Do you want me to keep it in this stage sketch format, or should I rewrite it in a TV show style script (with camera directions, laugh track cues, etc.)?


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