Prostate

 Got it 👍 I’ll reframe your draft into a two-person script (Patient = Manolis, Doctor = Dr. Matumoto) with stage directions, keeping the nervous humor intact but making it flow like a skit.

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INT. ST. JOSEPH’S HOSPITAL – WAITING ROOM

Manolis sits, fidgeting with his hands, speaking half to himself, half to the audience.

MANOLIS

(whispering)

I can’t believe I’m here. I don’t even know what a prostate is. Don’t know where it is. Don’t know if it hurts. What if it hurts? What if he goes, “Oh my God!” halfway through? How did I get myself into this situation?

Dr. Matumoto enters, calm and professional.

DR. MATUMOTO

Mr. Manolis? Ready for your exam?

MANOLIS

(standing nervously)

Uh… yeah, sure. I guess. By the way, what exactly is a urologist?

DR. MATUMOTO

The easiest way to put it—we’re plumbers. We look after the plumbing: kidneys, bladder, ureters, and the prostate.

MANOLIS

(nodding slowly)

Plumber. Right. So where exactly is the prostate?

DR. MATUMOTO

It’s a walnut-shaped gland between the bladder and the penis. We examine it through the rectum because it’s right beside it.

MANOLIS

(eyes widening)

Through the rectum. Right beside it. Okay. Uh… how many fingers are we talking here?

DR. MATUMOTO

Just one.

MANOLIS

(relieved but still tense)

One’s enough, I suppose…

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INT. EXAM ROOM

Manolis is now in a hospital gown, pacing nervously. Dr. Matumoto prepares for the exam.

DR. MATUMOTO

Alright, gown open at the back. Just lean on the table when you’re ready.

MANOLIS

Do I… uh… spread my cheeks or—

DR. MATUMOTO

Just relax. We’ll take care of everything back here.

MANOLIS

Okay. Sorry, I’m nervous.

DR. MATUMOTO

Nothing to be nervous about. Nice deep breaths.

Quick beat. Dr. Matumoto performs the exam with calm efficiency.

DR. MATUMOTO

And… we’re done. That’s it.

MANOLIS

(turns, shocked)

That was it? Already?

DR. MATUMOTO

That’s all there is to it. You did very well.

MANOLIS

Honestly… not as bad as I thought.

DR. MATUMOTO

Moment of truth: your prostate feels normal. Nothing to worry about.

MANOLIS

(relieved)

Oh, thank God. I thought this was the end of me.

Beat.

MANOLIS

Just one thing, Doc. The lube… it still feels kinda squishy back there.

DR. MATUMOTO

(chuckling)

It’ll settle. Make an appointment for next year.

MANOLIS

Every year? Oh boy…

DR. MATUMOTO

That’s what’s recommended.

MANOLIS

(half-joking, half-panicked)

Guess I’ll see you and your finger again, Doc.

They shake hands—one of them with a glove still on. Freeze frame. End.

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Do you want me to punch it up even more so it plays like a comedy sketch (with bigger laughs), or keep it more like a realistic but funny doctor-patient script?