Bad lads

 Sure! Here's a rewritten version of the story you described, using dialogue, character thoughts, and a more narrative, immersive style. This version imagines the scene with Corporal Murray, Corporal Nayoklas, and the lads as it might play out on a scripted reality show or dramatization.

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INT. ARMY MEDICAL CENTER – DAY TWO

The air in the waiting room was thick with nerves and the sharp scent of disinfectant. Twenty young lads, all dressed in army-issue vests and shorts, stood fidgeting and exchanging glances.

CORPORAL MURRAY barked from the front of the room, his boots echoing off the tile floor.

CORPORAL MURRAY

“Right, listen up! You lot are going in for your medicals. Groups of four. Move sharpish.”

Some of the lads gulped. They knew what was coming. Stripping down in front of strangers wasn’t exactly a part of their daily routine.

LAD 1 (confessional interview)

“I ain’t gonna lie, mate, I was bricking it. They said ‘medical’ but didn’t tell us we’d be getting the full Monty.”

Murray turned to his section.

CORPORAL MURRAY

“My section, you’re with me. Let’s go.”

Meanwhile, across the room, CORPORAL NAYOKLAS gave his lads a nod.

CORPORAL NAYOKLAS

“Same deal. Four at a time. I’ll wait outside the screen, yeah? Just follow the doc’s instructions.”

LAD 2 (thinking)

Fair play to Corporal Nayoklas. Didn’t make it awkward. Kept things professional. I respected that.

Inside the exam room, the first group stepped in hesitantly. The doctor pointed toward a folding screen.

DOCTOR

“Strip down to your underwear, then come forward one at a time.”

Nayoklas stood back, arms folded, eyes firmly on the wall behind him.

CORPORAL NAYOKLAS (thinking)

No need to be in their face. They’re already nervous enough.

But in the next room, Corporal Murray followed his group inside, stepping around the screen with them.

CORPORAL MURRAY

“Come on, lads. You’ve all got the same bits. Get on with it.”

The lads hesitated.

LAD 3 (whispering to another lad)

“Why’s he watching us, man? This is proper weird.”

LAD 4 (thinking)

He doesn’t need to be here… does he? Why’s he looking like that?

Murray crossed his arms, scanning each lad as they undressed. The camera caught a brief moment—his eyes lingering lower than necessary.

LAD 3 (confessional interview)

“I saw him lookin’, yeah. I ain’t sayin’ he meant anything by it, but it didn’t sit right.”

Back outside, Nayoklas called in the next group, still keeping his distance.

CORPORAL NAYOKLAS (to camera)

“They’re young lads. They need guidance, not someone breathing down their necks while they’re half naked. You want respect? You give it.”

Cut to Murray, now walking back into the corridor, adjusting his beret.

CORPORAL MURRAY (to himself)

Better to keep an eye on things. Never know what they’ll try to get away with.

But the lads had their own take.

LAD 4 (confessional)

“Corporal Murray’s old school. Maybe too old school, if you get me. Felt more like a stare than supervision.”

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NARRATOR (V.O.)

“Two corporals. Two different styles. One choosing distance and respect. The other, close supervision. But the lads noticed—and not all of them were comfortable.”

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Would you like me to turn this into a full short scene script or keep it in this narrative format?