Bad lads

 Absolutely! Here's two versions of your scene:

One humorous, leaning into the awkwardness and absurdity.

One with realism, focusing on military discipline and hygiene education.

---

🌟 Version 1: Humorous Take – “The Morning Crackdown”

It was 0600 hours, cold enough to freeze a penguin's whiskers. The lads were still half-asleep when the dormitory door slammed open with a bang.

Corporal Murray, standing there in nothing but a t-shirt and striped boxers, looked like a man on a mission—or fresh out of a pub.

Corporal Murray (bellowing):

"Right! Get up, you bunch of crusty sock merchants! Outside, now! T-shirt and underwear only! Move it!"

Recruit Barry (groggy):

“Is this a dream or a nightmare?”

Recruit Nige:

“Depends if he’s brought breakfast or a flamethrower.”

The lads stumbled outside, forming a very confused, very cold line-up. Corporal Murray stood before them with a rag, a tiny soap bar, and the confidence of a man who’d seen too much.

Corporal Murray:

"Today, gentlemen, we’re covering something the school system failed to teach you lot—how to wash your bits in the field."

Recruit Dean (whispering):

“I didn’t sign up to see a grown man demonstrate... personal cleansing.”

Corporal Murray (raising the rag):

"You get one rag, a splash of water, and a bar of soap smaller than your attention span. I’ll show you how to clean the essentials—no giggling, or I’ll assign you to sock inspection duty."

Corporal Murray (pointing):

"The crack of the backside—most neglected area in the British Army. Followed by the front-facing weapon. Cleanliness prevents infection, and no one wants to be the bloke who took down the squad with a fungal outbreak."

He dropped his underwear with the solemnity of a Shakespearean actor.

Corporal Murray:

"I know you’re all dying to laugh at the size of my lad, but keep it in. We’re professionals. Ish."

The cameraman, clearly a seasoned veteran, casually moved to an angle that protected the nation's modesty.

After the surprisingly detailed demonstration, Murray pulled his boxers back up and clapped his hands.

Corporal Murray:

"Now your turn. Get to it. I want those undercarriages sparkling."

As the lads reluctantly followed suit, one by one stripping off, the scene devolved into a surreal ballet of embarrassment.

Recruit Barry (as he tries to soap up):

"This is not what Mum meant when she said ‘be thorough in life.’"

Recruit Nige:

"I’m never sharing a rag again."

---

🪖 Version 2: Realistic Military Style – “Field Hygiene Training”

Morning reveille had just finished. The recruits of Bad Lads Army, season 2, were barely getting into formation when Corporal Murray arrived—dressed unusually in a plain t-shirt and regulation army-issue boxers.

Corporal Murray (calm but firm):

"Listen in. This isn’t a punishment. It’s instruction."

The lads looked around at each other, uncertain.

Corporal Murray (holding up a cloth, a sliver of soap, and a canteen cap full of water):

"When you're deployed in the field, you don’t get showers. But you do get dirty. And poor hygiene causes infections, rashes, and worse. That’s not just unpleasant. That can take a soldier out of action."

The recruits stood still, alert now. The shift in his tone was clear—this was serious business.

Corporal Murray:

"I'm going to demonstrate how to clean yourself properly with limited water and resources. Yes, it’s awkward. No, you don’t laugh. This is about keeping yourself healthy. If you’re too embarrassed to clean yourself properly, you’re a liability in the field."

He carefully demonstrated how to use the cloth and water to wash the essential areas of the body, describing the motion and reasoning behind each step—starting from the face, down to the torso, and then explaining how to clean the more private areas with care and thoroughness.

Corporal Murray:

"You treat hygiene like a daily routine, even in the trenches. It’s part of your discipline. Do it properly, and you'll stay healthy and operational."

He redressed, then turned back to the line.

Corporal Murray (firmly):

"Now all of you—same drill. One by one. You’ve got the materials. Let’s see it."

The lads obeyed, understanding now that this was less about embarrassment and more about readiness and responsibility. The cameraman, professional as ever, filmed the lesson respectfully, focusing only on technique and reactions, not bodies.

Corporal Murray (walking past them):

"Hygiene isn’t optional, lads. It’s survival."

---

Would you like me to turn either of these into a full script or add visual cues for a scene breakdown?