Causo

 Scene: A small fishing boat bobbing out at sea. The mood is light, but one of the fishermen (let’s call him D) is clearly in distress.]

D:
Oh man... another ship? No. You go up the front.
No, seriously — just put your feet on the white bit there, lean back on the bar.

B:
Oh my god. Your ass... it's gonna go over.
You're not dropping it in here, are you?

D:
I don't have a choice, mate! One of you guys go out on the [__] deck — I’ve been holding this in.
Do we got a bucket or what?

A:
I don’t think we got a bucket. You use the bait bin, bring it back when you’re done.
Just don’t get it on the bait or it’ll kill me.

B:
Well, you need to get your [] back there. I thought I had work gear to hang over the side...
F—ing hell. What do you wanna do, [] yourself?

D:
Only got... chilling B.
A spare plastic bag? Somebody?
Somebody has to help me here — I’m dying.

A:
Yeah, tie the plastic bag around your... never mind.
You got a hand on the bar?

D:
No! My legs might go! I don’t... I got no options.
What do you want me to do, run into the ocean?

B:
Alright. Get over there.
Still enough at the front. No — better idea: lean back on the bar, sort of sit-squat in the corner.

A:
Unless... unless you get a plastic bag, put it in the esky, sit on top.
Then we can just chuck the whole thing out.

B:
We got toilet paper?

D:
Yeah, I got some. And some rags.
Toilet paper ain’t the problem. It’s where it’s going.

A:
Rag’s better. But what the hell are we gonna use for wiping? Not my [__] rag.

D:
Why not? [laughs]

B:
Off you [__] go then. What about that bait bucket?

A:
We got one with bait and one with Sanger.
Take the bait out of the one near your left knee.
You can use that — just hurry up!

B:
[Grabbing a bucket]
These [__] things are rank. We’ll just wash it out later.

A:
Oh yeah — check if there’s a bigger one.
Can’t see any Glad R bags... maybe one of those big black ones?

B:
There’s some. Yeah — perfect.
Line the whole bucket with it.

D:
Oh piss off — now we’re engineers?

A:
Mate, we could've brought a [__] camping toilet, but noooo...

B:
You’re on. Just drop it in there and tie it up after.

D:
Oh god.
[Grimaces, positions himself over the makeshift bucket throne]

A (laughing):
Guess what?
It’s filming. That GoPro’s been on all day!

D:
You’re kidding me.

B:
Smile for the sponsors, mate!

[The whole boat erupts in laughter as the scene fades out — rough seas, rougher solutions.]

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Let me know if you’d like it as a script format or expanded into a short story.

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